Disney's Corporate Sponsors: A Creative Partnership

We are all well aware that corporate sponsorship goes hand in hand with Walt Disney Theme Parks (Coca-Cola is still going strong).  Creating an attraction is expensive, as is general maintenance and upkeep.  We saw the potential of it in Disneyland, with Monsanto sponsoring attractions such as "Adventures Thru Inner Space" and "The House Of The Future."  An equally parasitic relationship, with Monsanto wanting to put their name on an attraction so the world will know "Monsanto," and Disney going along with the ride to secure funding for said attraction.

I hear they're doing great things.

We view things differently today than people did 50 years ago, not surprising.  When we think of corporations today, we think of greed, dishonesty, lack of empathy, and a billion other negative adjectives.  50 years ago, the cynicism and distrust of corporations weren't at the level we have experienced now, so I would imagine that the average park guest at Disneyland who walks past "America The Beautiful," presented by AT&T, is not giving them the finger for being a large corporation.

Because we liked to see progress, back when AT&T meant progress.

Corporate sponsorship is more or less still existent in Disney Parks, not to the varying degree that it once was back in the 1960s all the way throughout the late 90s, but it is still there.  Siemens has a stake in attractions at Epcot and Disneyland (Spaceship Earth and It's A Small World, respectively) and Chevrolet is with Test Track, but the majority of attractions are without sponsors.  One might ask if this is a good or bad thing; do we really want to sully the image of a Disney attraction with a company plastering their corporate logo on every square inch of a ride they have a stake in?  Yes and no, but mostly yes.

I really don't mind it at all.

Corporate sponsors act as a "checks and balances" system for Disney.  Without them (in the early years of Walt Disney World) the rides would be cheap and uninteresting, as the Walt Disney Company was suffering financially in the 70s and early 80s.  They needed sponsors to help maintain the rides to keep them presentable for the public, and in the late 70s, were needed to develop new ideas and technologies to showcase in the burgeoning EPCOT Center.  It was also Walt's dream to partner with major industries and use their cooperation to help build his future city.  Under the direction of Card Walker, corporations like Exxon, Bell System, Sperry/Univac, Kodak, Kraft, United Technologies (to come later), GE, GM, American Express, and Coca-Cola were present to sponsor the rides, albeit with some input on showcasing their company to the public, but also keeping with the theme of forward thinking and new ideas, which we were ready for in the 80s.  In the era of a new way to space travel, and all the new ideas and innovations in energy, agriculture, communication and transportation, EPCOT Center embodies the ideals of truly remarkable thinking.

Disney and NASA partnership in the 80s?  Talk about an unstoppable force.

The ideas presented in these attractions were dry and outdated by today's standards, and as Disney has a penchant for entertainment, they were tied down to their corporate benefactors, who wanted to keep the tone informative, as well as entertaining.  Walking that fine line proved to be disastrous, as EPCOT Center suffered in its first few years.  The public wanted Mickey Mouse and his cadre of furry friends, not this so-called "info-tainment."  EPCOT Center became an example of class field trips and learning, and not until 1986 (after the Eisner inauguration) that we got any sort of E-Ticket attraction of any kind, in the form of Captain EO.

And what an E-Ticket that was.

EPCOT Center stayed on the straight and narrow path, retaining its wonder and excitement of what lies ahead in the future, and all the great things we are discovering.  Wonders of Life and Maelstrom gave us a reason to stay in the park, with attractions that are thrilling and fun, but the message EPCOT Center was sending out was pure hope.  Since the park was bound by their sponsors, it would be hard for Disney to change rides without consulting them.  As time and progress and technology progressed, or at least the rest of the world caught up with the technology EPCOT Center was producing, it became outdated quick.  Now it was time to ride out the clock until 1994, when the majority of the corporate sponsorship contracts were about to expire.  Seeing this as a way out of being bound by corporate restrictions, Disney and/or the sponsors did not renew the contracts, and in a way they were free.  The sponsors were not bound by obligation to Disney to help maintain the rides, and Disney was allowed to update attractions with their characters and ideas, instead of being bound by their sponsors.  And in some cases, the sponsors needed to know how to play ball with Disney and let them do whatever they wanted, but still have their name attached.

I doubt Nestle had any objections in letting Disney create the ride without any of their input.

As years passed on and rides became outdated and sponsors knew they needed to up the ante, so began the tumultuous 90s that paved the way for very lackluster and novelty attractions, using broad comedy strokes to paint the picture of the tone that the Walt Disney Theme Parks would adopt in the coming years.  Comedy and lightheartedness juxtaposed with a convoluted message vaguely tying in with the theme of the ride.  Universe of Energy moved to a lighthearted approach with popular entertainers of 1996, in an attempt to make energy fun, which lends itself to a contradiction of its intent.  The idea of the Universe of Energy is to understand where energy comes from, how we use it, and ways we can conserve or find new ways to harness other potential energy sources.  Ellen's Energy Adventure doesn't so much tell us of any new technologies or improvements in the search for new energy ideas, but rather tells us what's out there, how much we have left of it, and a cop out answer that supposedly solves the energy crisis, with brain power being the only energy source that will never run out.

If this ride didn't have air conditioning or being able to sit for 37 minutes, it'd be the worst ride at Epcot.

This is an example of the sponsor changing from Exxon to Exxon-Mobil and Disney wanting to go for more commercial appeal, and working together with this new sponsorship to change a great attraction.  Horizons, on the one hand, was destroyed because there was no sponsor to step in and say, "This ride is fine as is, it showcases our product, and an attraction refurb would be to costly."  Claiming structural issues (maybe), with Disney unchecked by GE, the ride was gone and so were the many dreams and memories of people all over the world.

As Disney came out of the economic slump of the 80s and back on top (especially now with the success of the animated films and owning the rights to our favorite childhood memories), corporate sponsorship wasn't as necessary as it once was.  Now with most contracts expired and Disney picking up the bill, there is no stopping their enterprise of synergy and cross-promotion.  Disney doesn't have to answer to any other higher authority.  They are not bound by their corporate benefactors anymore.  They have created a one-stop shop entertainment empire, fulfilling dreams and wishes for anyone who comes across them, and the need for satisfying a curious or intellectual craving we might have is now all but obsolete.  Just as the wonder of exploring the world of communication with SMRT-1 became outdated, so did their desire to make us wonder or dream anymore.  The grandeur and epic scope of Epcot is now laughable, and is indistinguishable from any other theme park.

These are different times, when the site of a space shuttle launch, or the sheer magnitude of a Circle-Vision 360 film wowed and dazzled us, now the general consensus is that we'd much rather see a Disney cartoon mascot or a Disney Princess than whet our appetites for the wanting to explore our lives and the world we live in, and try to make it better through advances in various fields.  There is so much yet to explore in our world and beyond, and yet we look to the television screen to see what's coming next to Disney World.

Why We Need Journey Into Imagination

In the wake of the massive changes being done around the Disney Parks, it is hard to ignore the massive outcry against these changes.  And in some circles, people welcome them with open arms.  Any die hard Disney fan knows that removing or even refurbishing an attraction is sacrilege, and changing it to fit the mold of a profitable Disney property is even more aggravating.  To the rest of the population who isn't obsessed with Disney Parks, they see it as something new and exciting to experience with their families, so they can keep up the family tradition with that annual trip to Disney World.

Except this.  No one is looking forward to this.

For better or worse, these changes will continue to exist.  Walt said it himself, "Disneyland will never be completed.  It will continue to grow as long as there is imagination left in the world."  So the core belief of Disney Parks is something we all don't want to see.  It's a contradictory nature, as these attractions are part of our identity, part of our lives, yet in order to believe in the concept of the Disney parks, we have to accept that they will always be changing.  Now we get into a quantity v. quality issue, where there isn't much thought put into decisions in terms of sustainability, but wholly based on profits and figures, so to speak.

Not pictured: Eisner dancing on Disney's grave.

With the closure and refurbishment of many classic attractions in the past 15 years, we catch a glimpse into the way EPCOT works.  It was the awkward but very bright and intelligent theme park that struggled, but impacted all of us on a whole other level.  Having a theme relating to technology is tricky, as technology advances faster than Imagineers can dream up new dreams.  Rides become outdated, the crowds dwindle, and the execs see that something needs to happen to keep the families spending money.  So you jazz it up, and don't look back at anyone who might be alienated by these decisions.  Soarin' has about as much to do with the Land as, well, the The Caballeros has to do with Mexico.

I suppose Mexico is close enough to South America.

At a certain point, Disney decides to take the ride in a new direction, and runs with it, the wrong way.  The need to update certain attractions makes sense: CommuniCore is technologically outdated, The Universe Of Energy & Symbiosis are very dry and heavy-handed (but still totally and utterly AMAZING), and World Of Motion was... I don't know, were there too many omni-mover attractions so they wanted to jazz it up with a fast thrill ride?  Maybe.  All you had was Body Wars and Maelstrom for a thrill, and they weren't even that thrilling.  Just jerky.

I blame this ride for my achy back.

Journey Into Imagination is a curious little attraction.  Delayed opening, yet it gave us Figment as a mascot for the park.  Since they initially tried to shy away from incorporating established characters from the Disney echelon, it was unique to see a separation of Disney characters.  If you wanted Mickey, Minnie, Pluto, Goofy, and the like, you had to go to Magic Kingdom.  If you wanted to drink around the world and hang out with the elderly, you went to EPCOT Center.

Turning World Showcase into a joke, one drink at a time.

Journey Into Imagination transcended all the rides at EPCOT Center, as it presented us with an abstract idea: imagination.  All other rides were based upon research and actual, physical things pertaining to their corresponding theme.  Topics of transportation, energy, communication, agriculture, and the colonization of new frontiers were more or less tangible and concrete ideas; they had a basis in reality.  Journey Into Imagination dealt with a topic that is very abstract, and putting those abstract ideas into a ride was certainly a challenge.

But they did it.  They succeeded.

When you recall the original attraction, it played out very nicely: setting you up with the Dreamfinder touching on several aspects of imagination, and then experiencing them in various sections of the ride.  There was no forced conflict or dilemma; it simply just explored imagination.  Of course, when something works at Disney, it means it needs to go through a change after fifteen years.  And its subsequent incarnations are nothing more than a downward shame spiral.  Instead of feeling inspired, you feel like you're stuck with a stuffy imagination professor and an overbearing purple dragon.  And the latter version does not make you feel inspired.  Just confused.

Why is he such a dick to Figment?

Since most attractions are getting face-lifts, persistent rumors emerge about Journey Into Imagination.  We've all heard them, so I won't venture down that avenue.  But in all our wishful thinking, we want to see a return to the original Journey Into Imagination.  Not only to fulfill and satisfy our own needs and desires of restoring a piece of our childhoods, but for a greater good.
  Journey Into Imagination, simply put, is timeless.  When you revisit it, there's nothing dated or old about it.  The ideas it presents are universal, therefor does not have a time limit on its ideas.  When you look at how rapidly technology and ideas change, imagination does not, and something from 30 years ago still feels as fresh and exciting.

Seeing your picture on the screen is still amazing.

The idea of refurbishing or re-purposing an attraction at Disney is, we all know, very costly and time-consuming.  It's got to be a hit, and they are not taking any chances.  Curiously, the thought of reinstating Journey Into Imagination isn't all too far-fetched in certain circumstances when you analyze certain evidence.  There has been an entire D23 exhibit based on recreating the ride through various forms of media, which looks like there is a consistent interest in the original attraction.  To a lesser extent, there was a campaign to bring back Figment in the second iteration of the ride, but we got a less than equitable compromise: more Figment in a ride that shouldn't have existed in the first place.

Stop teasing us.

"I don't think Figment is going anywhere any time soon, I promise." -Bob Iger

Hearing is not believing, obviously, as was the case with the Phineas & Ferb rumor circulating around, but it is known that the higher-ups at Disney know Figment is popular, and people young and old like him (we hope).  And let's not forget the resurrection of Captain EO and The Enchanted Tiki Room.  Granted, the former was due large in part to the public's overwhelming demand for Michael Jackson after his death, and it didn't take Disney too long (13 years or so) to realize that the latter was utterly awful and should never have been (or due to a fire, depending on who you ask).

Please let Disney not change it by inserting more characters from Aladdin and/or Lion King

So Disney has the capacity and the intentions of bringing back old rides that they deem popular enough to satisfy the masses, they've been hinting at it, and all signs seem to say, "We can bring back Journey Into Imagination," but I won't be holding my breath until then.  So make it snappy.

Wishful Thinking

Much to my surprise (well, not really) I received a wealth of responses to my last entry about a hypothetical situation in which I fantasized about updating several EPCOT attractions, and what I believed would be the best.  And when I mean "a wealth of responses," I really mean two.  And boy were they livid.  In the past I have been critical of many things that the Walt Disney Company has done in regards to their theme parks, such as the FastPass, the look of "new" Tomorrowland, and, of course, the current state of EPCOT.

There is nothing right about any of this.

Spanning the far reaches of the Internet are those who love Disney.  There's a lot of them out there.  On Tumblr you'll see re-post upon re-post of all things Disney, ranging from pictures to inexplicable memes to bizarre GIFs, but it is all for the sake of Disney.  As much flack as it gets as a corporation, people sure do love it.  And that all stems from one simple thing: nostalgia.  We all cherish these things because we grew up with it; it was part of our childhoods, and a part of our upbringing.  Simply put, they made us who we are.  Alan Menken said in an interview for some iteration of a Beauty & The Beast DVD release that high school kids thanked him for teaching them how to sing, from watching the films that he worked for Disney.

We all owe him and his mullet some serious gratitude.

 As we grew up with Disney, we tend to love it.  And some of us love it a lot.  Now when you get past the broad spectrum of Disney, seeping below the animated classic and contemporary animated films, you'll come across another layer of Disney fandom: theme parks.  The culture of Disney Theme Parks is equally as broad as the films, but not as accessible.  Still, Disneyland sort of remains a standout figure in this: it was the first Disney theme park, and obviously cherished by those young and old.  And since it was situated in Anaheim, mere miles from Los Angeles county, everyone flocked to those gates to witness the next evolution in amusement parks.  I see more obsession over Disneyland than Disney World in some instances, mostly because it is regarded as a classic.

Although I thought the castle was always a little too small.

Below the line of theme park obsession among Disney fans is Disney World, as it pains me to say.  I believe both are equally as popular, and I prefer Disney World to Disneyland, despite growing up in California.  But Disneyland is iconic and therefore more people are inclined to favor Disneyland, although Disney World has special meaning to people on the East Coast, as it was the closest Disney Park to them, and instead of driving from Pennsylvania to California to capture some of that Disney magic, you only had to drive to Florida.  Although it could be that since I grew up in Northern California, there was no real buzz for Disney World among those living here, as it was too far.  All the buzz was for Disneyland.  But I'm sure it's a different tale when you talk to someone from New York or surrounding areas.

Now after you have the Walt Disney World fans, then you get to my level, several layers below the surface of Disney love.  There is a small handful of people out there with the undying love and appreciation and obsession of EPCOT Center.  And when I say handful, I mean maybe a couple thousand?  It's hard to pinpoint out there in the world of those who are hopelessly obsessed with EPCOT.  And when I say hopelessly obsessed, I mean watching the YouTube videos of the rides and specials aired about EPCOT Center, you collect the Figment merchandise and the Kitchen Kabaret plush dolls, and any T-Shirt that bears the EPCOT name, only if it was made before 1993.

Ain't got time for this garbage.

And beyond that layer... I guess people who are really into MGM Studios?  I'm not going to go to that level... yet.  But on the whole, I'd wager that there are not too many EPCOT Center obsessed people, in comparison to those who are obsessed with Disneyland.  And if there are, you please let me know because I am always thrilled to find people who share the same level of enthusiasm as I do.

EPCOT Center holds a special place in all of our hearts, mostly due to the fact that:
A. It looked cool, especially the thing that looked like a golf ball.
B. Figment was awesome and so were the jumping fountains.
C. You kinda learned something, but didn't really know it.

Joking aside, EPCOT Center offered us a glimpse into the future, looked back at the past in humorous and/or spectacular ways, and challenged us to be better.  And for a lot of us, the principles and ideas stuck with us, and when you went every year, you grew to love it on a level beyond comprehension.  For those who grew up with it, like growing up with Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs and Sleeping Beauty, or in the later generations with The Little Mermaid and Beauty & The Beast, it becomes part of your childhood and, in a sense, "part of your... life."

You thought I was gonna say "part of your world."

The die-hard EPCOT fans know and love EPCOT from their earliest childhood memory of the park, so it makes sense that the majority of us are obsessed with the old EPCOT (1982-1993).  My earliest memory was probably in 1989, with the Universe Of Energy.  We all have similar memories, and we remember the park as it existed 25-30 years ago.  When we see how much it has changed in the past 30 years, some argue for the worst, it obviously incites a little anger in us.  It's like seeing someone demolish that slide you loved so much as a child, and then leave the pieces behind so you have nothing, and then maybe in a few years someone will re-purpose it into something new, but it won't be the same.  That's how we all feel about EPCOT.  It's not the same as we remember it.

As we get caught up in our emotions about how things have changed there, and how it's not the same, we also have to take a step back and examine the situation as a whole.  We fantasize about what we'd like to see done to the park to make it better, we wonder what things would be like if it had never changed, we say "just revert Journey Into Imagination to its original state and reopen the Image Works," but there's more to it than just our wishful thinking.  Obviously the old EPCOT was outdated, and turning it back to its original state is not only expensive and time consuming, but also impractical in terms of guest expectations.

To many, EPCOT is just another theme park you visit on your trip.  The message it extends is sort of lost in the void, and the shift has been to entertain, and maybe you'll get a little information out of it.  Nothing as serious or heavy as the original attractions, but you still get a little something out of it.  But when you recount how many die hard fans there are (maybe a few hundred to a few thousand more than those at the D23 expos?), there simply isn't enough of us to warrant a massive change, as it pains me to say.  Although there was an overwhelming outcry after the second iteration of Journey Into Imagination came into existence in 1999, and they revamped it to include more Figment, it remains doubtful that they would revert it to its original state.

We have had a glimmer of hope in other forms that might suggest that they'd resurrect the old Journey Into Imagination, in the form of bringing back the original Enchanted Tiki Room and bringing back Captain EO, so who knows; anything could happen.  The point I'm driving at is that as much as we want all of our old rides to come back because we miss them, we are but less than a fraction of the visitors to Walt Disney World, and the majority of those who visit the park aren't really interested in something that was popular in the 80s.  As much as I'd love to see kids get excited about SMRT-1 and hum "Veggie Veggie Fruit Fruit" over and over, I looks doubtful that these things will make a comeback to today's youth.  Most guests are just there for the experience and fun and adventure, and are complacent about what they experience in the park (speaking VERY broadly, of course).  The average park guest doesn't sit around and study and obsess over Disney World.  If you're shelling out top dollar to do Disney World right, the last thing would be to know about the many different phases of Horizons or who filmed Symbiosis.  They want to just have a family vacation, and not be alienated by taking out rides that their kids were looking forward to and putting in old rides that we love.

Sadly, no one cares enough about any such thing except for a core audience of a few thousand or so, and I'm just estimating.  There could be more, there could be less.  But if EPCOT taught me anything, it's that you have to be optimistic.  And even though we'll never get the EPCOT we grew up with, we might get it in slightly different forms.  And Disney has been hinting at it for some time now.  They haven't forgotten their roots, they're just trying to make it appeal to everyone.  They've dropped little fun things like the old pavilion logos around the park, they hold expos and things for annual pass-holders.  And I believe in the future, we are going to get something that placates us all.  Just as long as they don't turn Wonders Of Life into a character meet & greet!

The Problems With Updating Attractions

For anyone who has visited the Walt Disney Parks in the past few decades, you notice when something changes.  How could you not?  One day you're enjoying Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, and the next time you visit, some sort of Winnie The Pooh attraction has taken its place.  For the most part, once a ride closes, it's gone for good.  Horizons, World Of Motion, Kitchen Kabaret, Symbiosis, The Living Seas, Body Wars, Cranium Command, Magic Journeys, CommuniCore, The Plaza Swan Boats...

Remember those?

I'm not done yet: Flight To The Moon, Mission To Mars, Delta Dreamflight, If You Had Wings, America The Beautiful, Magic Carpet 'Round The World, Skyway To Fantasyland, The TimeKeeper, American Journeys, Snow White's Scary Adventures, Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, Mickey Mouse Revue, Mike Fink Keelboats, Davy Crockett's Canoe Boats, and some other attractions from the Disney-MGM Studios... These are the attractions that were taken down and completely re-purposed for the intent of making a new attraction, not a refurb like Journey Into Imagination (where the characters remain but the ride has changed).

And it needs to be changed back.

When Disney ins't demolishing rides to put in some iteration of a Pixar character, they'll simply update the ride, usually with a Pixar character.  Or a semi-relevant comedian.  It is the updates that are the most irritating.  Although there is no sadder sight that the demolishing of a ride, like a volcano, it could leave nutrient-rich material in its wake, resulting in a major transformation of the land.  Of course that metaphor does not apply here because any new attraction Disney has made after demolishing a previous one is usually terrible, with a few exceptions, perhaps.

This was clearly superior than If You Had Wings.

The most heartbreaking thing is the refurbishment of a ride.  I'm not talking about going back and retouching up the animatronics or updating the sound system or whatnot, but rather the change of the feel of the ride by adding some frivolous new effect or, in Spaceship Earth's case, removing effects.

I miss the projected loop of the chariot.

I can concede that some updates make sense, to an extent.  The creation of new computer languages and user-friendly interfaces greatly ties in with the theme of the attraction, and is part of our shared history of communication.

With a Jobs-Wozniak hybrid.

And then there is this monstrosity, which provides more of a cheap, kitschy laugh rather than actually having relevance to the ride as a whole.

Silliest shit I've ever seen.

The addition of sections of rides doesn't mesh well, as you are working with two different eras.  The rides being built in 1981-1982 reflect the style and craftsmanship of that era.  Adding on this "computer era" section is jarring, as it looks too clean and sanitized.  Disney has a track record for making rides look, well, well-ridden.  They purposefully do that, as you might recall hearing it from probably every single cast member who drops that little obvious tidbit on you.

"Did you know that WED stands for Disney's initials?"

Some refurbs simply just replace a previous film, or reuse and re-edit the original film to make it more relevant.  Surprisingly Impressions De France and Spirit Of Norway have remained unchanged since its debut in 1982 and 1988, respectively, but you take a film like O Canada! and Wonders Of China, and you have an attraction that means well, but does not feel right.  Mainly because when you're working with CircleVision, it is hard to match the visual look of its predecessor.  Film stocks have improved over times, film techniques have been refined, so when they add in little screens of footage in the ride, it often does not match how it looked in 1982.  How could it?

I don't want to reflect on China, I want to wonder about China!

The newly inserted footage looks like it was shot on a Hi-8 camera.  It's awful, and it is shocking because Disney prides themselves on breaking new boundaries in the art of film.  They essentially dominated the large-format film production at the time with Magic Journeys and CircleVision and shooting pretty much everything in 70mm, but not no more.  And it's not too long until Maelstrom gets a face-lift to accommodate the many characters from Frozen.  We all know it's coming, and unless the Norwegian government says otherwise (I hope they do) Disney will most likely milk that cow until the end of time.  Picture it now, riding in a boat with "Let It Go" on a constant loop as you ride backwards (after Elsa casts a spell or some stupid shit).  Someone has already thought it up already.

For the love God please do not get rid of this amazing mural.

Updating rides to cash in on Disney popular culture is inherently a bad idea.  It looks cheap, and tacky.  We all saw it in action with The Seas with Nemo.  And while we can't have our favorite rides be resurrected (and we all wish it were so), a new concept needs to be implemented.  EPCOT Center began as a showcase of new ideas and technologies, and cultures from around the world.  We have seen it devolve into cheap tie-ins and an excuse to get obliterated on alcohol and junk food.  As we long for a return for the original, it is not totally abhorrent to consider updating the attractions once more.  Since they have all bottomed out and become totally awful, there is no place to go but up (I hope).  So now, I present a logical update to the current rides at EPCOT, and how they could be changed into something new and better, without completely changing the ride design (because we all know they are not gonna knock down another building and start from the ground up, or would they?) but keeping with the theme of EPCOT, as being a permanent world's fair showcasing the new ideas and industries of America.

SPACESHIP EARTH

If they could, find a replacement for Judi Dench.  It's too peppy; she reads like she's reading Mother Goose to a group of infants.  I like my Spaceship Earth narrations with a very serious tone.  Jeremy Irons did this perfectly.  Alan Rickman can match that.  So can Patrick Stewart or Ian McKellan.

It's a stretch, but he can make it work.

Essentially, a deep,  powerful British voice.  And omit the bastardized version of what Horizons already nailed nearly three decades ago, the choose your own future.  I get it, it's fun and interactive, and you get a cheap laugh at the end.  Instead, give us the closing narration, wrapping up the themes of Spaceship Earth and what the future holds.  Maybe throw in an uplifting song.

INNOVENTIONS

This is an area I couldn't care less about.  I guess just have exhibits that are pertinent to current events, maybe a tie-in with other attractions that touch on topics relevant to us, not just video games or things designed for toddlers.

Dump your hyperactive kids here.

ELLEN'S ENERGY ADVENTURE

If there ever was a need to update an attraction, this one is it.  It is the only ride in Future World that has not been changed since the 90s.  Everything else has gone through a refurb fairly recently, at least in the past 15 years.  Now there was this weird anomaly when Ellen came back in the celebrity spotlight in recent years, so it seems that they're gonna hold onto her for a hot minute.  I remember an Ellen-less time between the Ellen Show on ABC in the 90s and the Ellen talk show on whatever network that airs on.  At one time she was irrelevant, and that would have been a good time to change the ride.  Now as much as I love Bill Nye, he seems to have retired his "Science Guy" persona.  And while we all loved his show on PBS, it is time to breath some life into this attraction.  And this is the man to do it:

The ultimate badass.

Neil deGrasse Tyson has already become this sort of unlikely icon, and he's also brilliant as shit.  You can take out the comedic foils of Ellen DeGeneres and others, and put in a thought-provoking journey into the past, explore the present, and embrace the future of energy.  And his personality suits the ride perfectly.  He makes it entertaining through his amazing articulation and vast knowledge of this "Universe Of Energy."

MISSION: SPACE

This is a ride that you can't really change to much to.  You can add in some information about what it's like in space, like weightlessness and such, maybe omit the danger element of the asteroids that seemed to cluster only a few feet from each other around the orbit of Mars.  It could be more of a training mission than an actual mission, and teach you more about space travel, not just hit a button, fall asleep and have the computer do all the piloting for you.

TEST TRACK

Strangely enough, this ride doesn't need a lot of changing.  They included aspects of what companies look for when developing a car, but I guess they could include more information on efficiency and being more "green," I suppose.

JOURNEY INTO IMAGINATION WITH FIGMENT

It's hard to update this, because it really needs a major overhaul.  There is no saving grace to this ride.  No new innovations, nothing to make me want to ride it again.  But since the ride track layout seems to be fairly similar (similar in that it's an omni-mover), just omit Eric Idle, damn the rights issue and bring back Dreamfinder (whatever the rumor is now).  Since Billy Bartry has passed on, Dave Goelz will have to do.  Or just recycle his voice from the old ride, I don't know, just make it happen.  And make the ride about the wonders and limitlessness of ones imagination.

THE LAND

First off: get Soarin' out of there.  It has no business in there.  You're Soarin' over California, yet you're in Florida.  Why not make it Soarin' Over Florida?  Because that's a terrible idea.  This is what needs to happen: put Soarin' between the UK and Canada, where the Millennium Village used to be, and re-theme it for the World Showcase.  Have it be, Soarin' Around The World.  The cost of something like that wouldn't be as expensive as you think.  Just get the permits to fly to select spots around the world with your large format camera, and that's all there is to it.  Maybe reprogram the ride vehicles' hydraulics to correspond with the new film.

Secondly, The Circle Of Life with the Lion King is painfully outdated.  Talk about an attraction that hasn't been updated since the 90s.  The Lion King is not as relevant as we'd like it to be, so there should be a new film discussing man's impact on nature, in the vein of Symbiosis, but can tackle things like climate change and GMOs and other things that they weren't too worried about in 1982 and then in 1994.  There are so many pertinent things going on in this world regarding "The Land," you'd think they'd say more about it.  And don't have an animated character host it.  Have a real person, or at least a narrator.

Thirdly, Living With The Land needs more things.  More concepts.  Bring back the spinning drum or something.  Make us excited about new ways to grow crops, and not just growing them in the shape of a Disney character!

Hidden Mickeys also need to go.

Fourthly, bring back a nutritional musical revue.  NO song parodies.  At the very least I will tolerate song style parodies.

THE SEAS WITH NEMO

This is a no-brainer.  Take out Nemo.  Get us excited about marine biology and oceanography.  There's a lot we don't know about our oceans.  Let's explore that!  Do whatever repairs you need to, like fixing the tank, and put some more marine life in there.  It's depressing to see the fish and sharks.  I remember when they used to have divers play with dolphins.  It was well documented in a series of ABC shows that just happened to find themselves in Disney World.

And for the world showcase films... well, either re-film them in HD (we have the technology) or restore them to their original state.  It's funny, but when you watch Impressions De France or Wonders Of China, they don't look dated.  The people and the settings look the same as they did in 1982, oddly enough.

EPCOT and the Gift of Shame

Back in 2012, Disney received considerable backlash against one exhibit at Epcot.  You know what I'm talking about...

Close, but not what I was getting at.

It was, of course, Disney's attempt to educate and inform and shame kids about nutrition, exercise, and life choices.  Habit Heroes opened in February of 2012, and promptly shut down in February 2012.  It's sponsors, Florida Blue and Anthem (BlueCross + BlueShield), seemed appropriate enough, being a health insurance group and all.  So how did it all go wrong?

This makes me want to eat more sweets.

We can debate all day and night until we are blue in the face whether or not the attraction is insensitive to people who are obese, and that genetics come into account when talking about obesity, and that the attraction aims for an unrealistic standard of what is "fit" and "strong" and "healthy" and an abundance of more quotation marks.  Naturally, everything and everyone has the best of intentions when it comes to presenting a touchy subject like childhood obesity.  Execution is key, and it looks like Disney missed the mark, initially.  I am aware that they have since re-opened it, with the guidance of various organizations to make it less about "fat-shaming" which could lead to teasing, ridicule and bullying towards overweight individuals, and in turn cause the child to lash out at society and lower their self-esteem, but more about doing what you can do to be and stay healthy, and improve your self-esteem.

Walking around Epcot will give you all the exercise you need.

As Epcot tries to make strides to inform, educate and help the public by promoting good nutrition and health, exercise and strong decision-making, it doesn't help their case that the food served in the Walt Disney World, in a broad sense (of course there are healthy options there, too) is anything but nutritious and healthy.  But it all comes down to choice, but sometimes we can't help ourselves, and we need to have a churro in the shape of Mickey Mouse.

They said it shouldn't couldn't  be done.

But the food of Walt Disney World will be saved for another blog post...

We all know that Epcot is trying to teach kids about things that are important, at least they tried to.  Habit Heroes was one such attempt, but let's not forget their predecessors: Food Rocks & Wonders of Life.  However, since these attractions ceased to exist, they brought about merging the two in an unholy union and called it Habit Heroes.  But as times change, Disney needs new ways to reach out to kids.  And of course anything that the Disney Corporation does is followed by intense scrutiny.  When we look back 20 years at Food Rocks, it taught us a similar lesson, although the shaming was down to a minimum.  Instead of using caricatures of the different types of good, bad, skinny, fat, whatever people, it was all presented via food.  The most it shamed was the pile of junk food that played that loud, hard rockin' music and looked like garlic that had gone bad.

It only really offended hard rock acts from 1985.

Now there was a little shaming, but not like shaming a kid because they are fat.  It was more like, junk food is the devil, and plays loud, distorted music, and is bad for you.  Still had a pessimistic approach in an otherwise optimistic, campy pop-culture music revue with food.  Although it didn't rock, because it was cheesy.  Now you want to talk about the best approach to the subject matter, you have to look further back, when Disney was built on optimism.  And her name was...

No shaming, just lots of fun.

Kitchen Kabaret possessed the enduring Disney spirit of the early 80s.  Their approach was fun, lighthearted, and well-intended.  There was no mention of the downsides of food, no mention of anything remotely bad, just telling you to eat your fruits and vegetables, make sure you get some protein and diary, and of course, carbohydrates.  No preaching of any kind, it was truly a remarkable example of a simplistic approach with a fun, entertaining and educational quality that didn't talk down or shame its audience, but rather just provided some good facts about nutrition and made you want to sing along.

And vaudeville humor that everyone got.

 As with changing times, it's not enough to just present information in an entertaining way, we have to go one step above and create more characters that reflect a problem within ourselves, and more cookie-cutter, melodramatic villains to drive the point home.  To go slightly on a tangent still pertaining to this train of thought, the evidence of this shift is all more apparent in rides at Epcot, most notably Journey Into Imagination With Figment, or whatever they are calling that pavilion these days.

I can't keep up.

It used to be a fun, exciting exploration into our own minds with the Dreamfinder, being of jolly and fanciful demeanor, who welcomed you along on his journey into imagination.  He created a little purple dragon with childish delight, and never was there any conflict, nay-saying or anything to discourage the behavior within the realm of imagination.  As conflicted as things got is when you got to the horror/mystery/suspense section of the ride, but that was only to try and contain things that scary to us within the books, but even then it was still an example about how our imaginations can run wild and get out of control to create a sense panic and paranoia and fear, all within our minds.

Tales of fright.  Oh shit.

 Conversely, the newest incarnation of the ride follows an uptight professor trying to educate you on the fundamentals and principles of your senses, not so much anything about imagination.  Of course Figment, that loveable little scamp who has become an irritating nuisance wants to join, and Eric Idle says absolutely not.  And throughout the ride he is at odds with Figment trying to teach you about imagination, until finally Eric Idle gives up and they all sing and dance and do whatever it is that they do.  In summation, the overall trend of these rides lean towards what the new Journey Into Imagination is doing: creating that conflict until someone shows the wrongdoer the ways of what they should be doing, and embrace life and learn and love and so on and so forth.  Same can be said about Mission: Space and the original Test Track.  You have a task or mission at hand, something goes wrong, element of danger, everything is okay.

The was thrilling enough, why do we have to go through this?

A glimmer of hope seems to be on the horizon, and no, it's not the resurrection of Horizons.  No, the rides that are springing up are avoiding the conflict and storytelling of the rides, and just presenting them for what they really are.  When you take a ride like Soarin' and Test Track 2.0, there's not so much a story involved about trying to better ones self, or overcoming some adverse situation, but rather just a simple, straightforward approach.  You fly over California, and there is no one trying to shoot at you or escape from some evil force.  And Test Track is just you in a fast car.  Although I still hate that stupid truck that comes out of nowhere.  It is sad to see that we desire thrills and danger in our rides rather than critical thinking and understanding and appreciation for benign, simple easy-going rides, like Horizons.  The most conflict that ride had was almost being late to their Grandson's birthday.

Good to see that Tom finished welding the laser locks to the sub.

Even though my tangent spiraled a little bit out of control, the point remains the same: having the approach of clear-cut bad guys and ignorant people isn't helping Disney advance their message of being a healthy, well disciplined individual.  Perhaps it is what children of this generation are accustomed to, like any movie, comic book or cartoon where they need a bad guy as some sort of concrete representation of "evil," instead of approaching the subject optimistically, without alienating one group in doing so.  The Living Seas said it best: "For answers to our past, and keys to our future..." We must look to the past to change the future, so take a hint from what EPCOT Center originally did, and use that knowledge to change the future.

Future World: Lost And Abandoned

We've all seen it, we all share the same sense of grief and pain at the sight of it, and we all know the tragic loss of something we all hold dear to our hearts.  It is the death of a Disney World attraction.  No one wants to see an attraction demolished, as many of them are dear to our hearts, and mean so much to so many people from all over the world.

This being the notable exception.

As we tour EPCOT Center, we can see that very few of the attractions have remained untouched since their opening.  You can literally count them on your fingers: Impressions De France, Maelstrom, and that's about it.  Reflections Of China had a minor tweak, and O Canada had a major reworking of the show, and the less we can talk about the boat ride in Mexico, the better.  Although you can't blame them for changing it, since it was always a little weird in El Rio De Tiempo when it abruptly switched from projected dancing and worship rituals of the indigenous people of Mexico to a "It's A Small World" style happy celebration of life, equivalent of saying, "Yeah, nothing happened here."

Trying to erase the shitty past between the Mayans and the Spaniards

While buildings and pavilion facades haven't changed on the whole (most notably in the World Showcase), there has been many facelifts and new paint jobs and downright destruction of entire buildings.  Everything in Future World has been re-themed, re-done, and re-Disney-ized (a word that I tried to make up, but failed).  EPCOT Center was destined to become showcase of new ideas and technologies of the future, and then we slowly saw it degenerate into a big commercial tie-in for the Disney Channel and Walt Disney Pictures.

The future site of nothing.

That image is the all-too-familiar setting of what EPCOT has become: a giant, empty nothing.  The Image Works, Wonders Of Life, the Odyssey Restaurants, they are all abandoned attractions and pavilions and restaurants, respectively.  I remember a time when you could enter Communicore from the side, right behind the Centorium.  Now it's closed off, and when I peeked inside, nothing but Moue Gear overstock of Vinylmation dolls and other assorted garbage.

It's not pictured, but it's to the right.

There is something off about the amount of apathy the Disney Parks have about just having abandoned pavilions, and even more pavilions that abandoned but are still operating somehow...

Like this.

Any company would be the same, in that often times it can be cheaper to just abandon a ride or pavilion, as the cost of labor to operate the rides would be far too much than the ride is worth, or too expensive to have the ride refurbished.  A lot of it also comes down to the corporate sponsors, who probably want to abandon their child, as opposed to taking care of it if there is a problem.  I've heard the stories of "why" when it comes to pavilions being abandoned, or demolished.

Although this was unacceptable.

Wonders Of Life:
The talk of the town (and by town, I mean unsubstantiated rumor mill known as the Internet) is lighting up about the Wonders Of Life.  We've all seen the progress unfold before our eyes, and our eyes did not deceive us when we saw it happen.  The drop of MetLife as a sponsor in 2001 made us question the future of the pavilion, as Horizons showed us that without a sponsor, there is no obligation to anyone else, so Disney can do with it what they please.  2004 led to seasonal operation, but Carousel Of Progress has season operation, and it's still running whether or not there are people in the theater.  But the coup de grâce came in 2007 when the pavilion just shut down.  Then it was used for special events, private functions, and the Food & Wine Festival, and at that point, we knew it was gone for good.  In 2012 it was on schedule for a selective demolition, but nothing has been demolished.

I have yet to see any demolition take place.

By definition (an Internet based one at that) it would seem that this selective demolition would have them gutting the insides of the pavilion and re-purposing it for something entirely new.  What will become of it, no one knows until Disney holds a press conference.  The intriguing part of it all, of course, is the speculation of what will become of it when it's all said and done.  For the EPCOT obsessed, we would love it to be re-purposed as a showcase of the old EPCOT Center that we all know and love.  Props from fallen rides, recreations of old rides, projected films that are no longer, these are all the impractical things we wish would happen.  It seems more likely that it will become a themed attraction featuring some Disney character to appeal to the broad spectrum of tourists, and will undoubtedly have the best AC system in the world.  It could very well become an updated carnival type multi-exhibit pavilion a la Wonders Of Life, although it wouldn't make sense to re-do Wonders Of Life if they are demolishing it... but whatever the pavilion becomes, PLEASE do not let it become a giant character meet-and-greet.

The Odyssey Restaurant
This anomaly of an abandoned structure boggles even my mind.  Closed for 20 years, except for random private events and the like, it stands among the ruins of Future World.  I peeked inside it from the still accessible restrooms in 2012, and believe me when I say, there is NOTHING that is going to happen to this place.  Just more empty space for storage.

Just think how many WorldKey kiosks you could fit in here.

Back in 2000 I talked with a guest relations employee about the state of EPCOT Center, as it was a tumultuous time due to the constant changes and construction being done to all the rides.  We all knew that there were structural issues with Horizons, sinkholes and such, and she said the same thing about the Odyssey Restaurant.  30 years and it's still standing.  It doesn't look like it's sinking.  It's holding its own.  But what to do with it?  Eateries in EPCOT, especially Future World, are overshadowed by their World Showcase counterparts.  Why have hamburger when you can have steak?  Literally.  The Land makes sense to have food (despite its ever declining quality) and it would make sense to have a place to eat on the other side of Future World for those hungry guests, but what food?  The Electric Umbrella has the standard quick service fare, and since they took out the Sunshine Terrace Restaurant, there aren't that many places to eat in Future World.  And the Coral Reef Restaurant is in the most obscure place, I don't think anyone knows it still exists.

A sign that no one cares.

A neat idea (because speculation is more fun than doing actual research) is to make the Odyssey a table service restaurant and have a unique futuristic theme, as in create interesting dishes based on using new technology and innovation, and have it be New American cuisine.  Or just make it a healthy food quick service counter, as Pure And Simple is no more.

The Image Works.
One of the most controversial decisions made by Disney, the shutting down and total abandonment of the Image Works.  Once a thriving interactive playground where exhausted parents could let their kids run around unsupervised as you tried to gain a moment's respite, is now a dumping ground for old props and the decay of a once glorious legacy of imagination.  Rumor mills have been lighting up about what is to become of this interactive exhibit.  The name(s) of Phineas & Ferb have been mentioned.  Well that seemed to be the extent of the rumors, but it was a pretty big one.  Truth be told, no official reason has been given, and it just seems that Disney needs more space to store more things.

A glimpse into my broken soul.

Now without the sponsorship of Kodak, it can be hard to fully operate an attraction in the same way it did 30 years ago.  Money is the bottom line in all of this, and cutting corners is the American way.  And Disney is about as American as it gets.  Park attendance plays a factor, too, since no one is visiting these attractions, why keep them open?  Once again, labor and money.  Innoventions is where they want to keep the kids busy, and when you do a major overhaul of an attraction (possibly for consistency) you want to do away with the old style.  Another reason that may have some insight on these changes could be (once again, not grounded in any concrete fact) that Kodak owned the rights to Figment And Dreamfinder.  And while Figment is now fully Disney, I guess there was some legal issues with using the image and likeness of Dreamfinder.

Kodak owns his ass.

That idea seems like it is not grounded too well in truth, as the Dreamfinder has made several appearances at D23 expos and Disney & Marvel have printed a series of comics about the Dreamfinder and Figment, although maybe it was legally distinct enough for Kodak to do anything about, as they are in a weird financial situation, filing for bankruptcy and then sort of coming back to life.  Whatever the reason, the point is, whether you own the rights to these characters or not, to at least have the Image Works opened to the public, even if it has nothing in it.  It's not so much there needs to be something there, but that we are paying guests to the park, and to see things closed for no reason, upsets us.  More often than not, people need a stopping point in the park to rest and relax.  Image Works was prime real estate for that.  And it was peaceful (in certain areas).  And most of all, the glass pyramids provided for a calming, beautiful, serene setting.  And that's what we need after all the craziness and over stimulation of Test Track and Innoventions.

Discovery Island.
This place was a hassle to get to, there were never any cool animals to see, and you'd get decimated by the mosquitoes and gnats.  No thank you, keep this one abandoned.