The Spirit Of Norway

"I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened."

Maybe that's being a little too dramatic.  Disney Parks Blog made it abundantly clear what is happening to our beloved Maelstrom.  And I, for one... am not shocked.  At all.  Disney has a penchant for this sort of thing.

Case, and motherfuckin' point.

This is to say that the closure of Maelstrom isn't a travesty.  It is.  I've seen the Internet implode upon itself with the uproar of protest.  Maybe not implode, but the voices are being heard.  The closure of Maelstrom will signal the end of the original rides that have not been changed since their opening (Impressions De France being a notable exception).  A little piece of semi-original EPCOT Center will be removed from our collective consciousness forever.  We will no longer have the pleasure of encountering trolls, semi-terrifying polar bears, and the piece de resistance, this:

Because when I think of Norway, I think of cruise directors.

And some other gems that the ride offers, like the smell of "Disney Water," which is one of my favorite things about Walt Disney World, no joke.  The biggest loss, of course, is the short film, "The Spirit Of Norway."  A wonderful film that captures Norway as it existed in 1988, and strangely does not look dated some 25+ years later.  With all the broken hearts over the loss of a beloved attraction, there is a strange thing occurring on forums other than Tumblr.  For instance, in the comments section of Disney Parks Blog, the news is met with arms wide open (although the idea of Disney censoring unfavorable comments from irate fans could be plausible, but I don't care much for that facet of thinking).  There are people out there who genuinely favor a Frozen-themed attraction at EPCOT.  I can't align myself with agreeing with them, but it does shed some light on a few things.

Disney knows what the people want.  They know what the families want.  Families love Frozen.  Naturally there is a correlation there and Disney is making the most out of it.  As mentioned prior, we are but a small minority among the Disney echelon.  A lot of people out there who frequent the parks are happy to see an update to Maelstrom.  And as much as we despise the idea of dumping Disney properties in the middle of a theme park that was originally intended to bridge the gap between cultures, it is an ugly truth that we must live with.  Like, well, The Seas With Nemo.

Any way you look at it, Maelstrom was the first attempt at bringing in a "thrill" ride to EPCOT Center after the inauguration of Michael Eisner in the mid-1980's.  So it doesn't quite fit into the mold of EPCOT's original mission.  When you dissect the ride, it's a little jilted.  You get a gentle boat ride with a glimpse into the life of seafaring explorers fearless of no body of water (or Vikings), a part of Norwegian history, but then you get a spell cast upon you by trolls (the obligatory Disney spin to create conflict within a situation that does not warrant such), and then you get to see polar bears (debatable whether you can find them on mainland Norway, as opposed to Svalbard), then to the base of an offshore drilling platform (part of Norway's heritage when it comes to paying the bills) and then into a quiet coastal town where you disembark from your Oseberg ship.

The true spirit of Norway.  Don't let the trolls fool you.

The inclusion of the trolls doesn't fit into the feel of the ride in the context of "original EPCOT," although if you take it out, then you're left with just a gentle stroll down various fjords and into the North Sea.  And that can't be too exciting, unless you play up the forces of nature to invoke some sort of response.  In that case you'd just be on the Norwegian version of El Rio Del Tiempo.  But the ride itself tries to add a bit of excitement to an otherwise benign ride, and to the execs of the Disney Corporation in the 80's, when you had a theme park that wasn't as profitable as the Magic Kingdom, you need something to bring the families in so they don't go Sea World.

Frozen is here to stay, whether we like it or not.  We've heard the song to no end, and you can guarantee that you'll be hearing some permutation of that song in one way, shape, or form in the ride.  Yes, it's a passing fad, and might suffer the same fate as The Seas With Nemo.  There is a force more powerful than all of us, and as much as we want Maelstrom to stay and not change, it is going to.  I know it sounds hopelessly pessimistic, but I've come to terms with the direction EPCOT is headed in.  They've broken my heart many, many times.  It's borderline an abusive relationship, with all that I give them (money & years of dedication) and in return they take the things I love away from me.  All one can do is remember it, take lots of pictures before it's refurbished, and constantly watch the Spirit Of Norway film, because it is amazing.  And shot in glorious 70mm by Paul Gerber, of Symbiosis and The Seas fame.

So marks the end of an era.  I am saddened by this news.  I'm not shocked, but still saddened.  I can see why this upsets people.  Just let me know it's last date of operation so I can ride it one last time, see the film one more time, and drop a single rose on its doorstep, in memory of another fallen ride at Walt Disney's EPCOT Center.

That'll do, rose.  That'll do.